Swag, swag, swag, swag, swag, swag, swag

I love swag. Pens with a little scroll that runs down the side. Erasers in the shape of famous buildings. Tote bags, lots and lots of tote bags. I have a tote bag, in which I keep all my tote bags, because you never know.
Businesses have swag. Whole industries have swag. You don’t see the estate of John Wayne or James Dean having any issues with plastering those icons’ faces all over your kids’ underwear.
It’s branding, pure and simple. Get that image in the faces of people and those people buy the movies, music, etc.
So it got me thinking. Why is poetry any different? Why is there no poetry swag? Heck, half the famous poets have been dead so long, it’s likely all public domain anyway. I mean, we’re in the middle of National Poetry Month, people. Why are we not inundated with guys dressed like Shakespeare selling us fast food?
So I went straight to www.poets.org looking for an answer. In case you don’t know who they are, poets.org is run by the Academy of American Poets. I know, I know... snore. Anyway, they are the ones who attempt to keep the poetry torch lit in America by highlighting poetry landmarks, holding readings and working with schools.
I was pleased to discover a Poetry Store on their Web site. Swag, here I come! Was I disappointed. Sure, there’s the standard audio recordings of guys like Robert Graves and plenty of mugs and T-shirts, but anybody can do those. I wanted more. I dug a little deeper in their store and found ... an Emily Dickinson necklace? For $68? An Emily Dickinson baby doll T-shirt? I don’t even know where to begin on how off the mark that is.
Anything here that isn’t Dickinson-related?
How about Four Chinese Poets: The National Tour Broadside for $30? Sheesh. Maybe a T.S. Eliot “Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock” brooch? How do you even begin to explain that at a party? Do they know what that poem is about, even?
Fine, enough of this. Why perpetuate the myth that poets are humorless literary dandies? It is a myth, right?
Here are a couple suggestions for poetry swag that I would buy:
-Pablo Neruda aphrodisiacs. Here was a short, pudgy, balding man who actually had women throwing their undergarments at him at readings. So why not a series of ginseng-like energy drinks (different flavors, of course) to sell at checkout lines and corner bodega counters? Call it Pablo Power Drinks.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning word puzzle books. Just how many ways does Browning love thee? Is the depth, breadth and height that her soul can reach one way or three? Like Sudoku only more difficult to figure out and even when you have the answer it always changes.
-Robert Frost good neighbor rocks. You remember Pet Rocks? Well, how much fun it would be to fence off your office cubicle from the rest of your co-workers with a traditional New England stone wall, as a pretense to getting along better. Brilliant!
-Sylvia Plath Easy-Bake Ovens. Too soon? I’m just thinking of ways to get the younger generation involved.
You see where I’m going here? Though all the poets.org swag did not turn me off. My order has already been placed for the Iambic Pentameter tote bag.